It seems incredible that it’s almost two years since I started this blog and yet I have said so little! There is a reason. During this time my whole belief system has been turned upside down. The reason is that I have done the unthinkable and questioned everything that I formally believed. I say unthinkable because my former experiences of faith meant that you didn’t ask questions – where’s the faith in that? There’s the paradox you see – is faith built on knowledge or is spiritual knowledge built on faith?
It has also been a necessary therapeutic journey in coming to terms with my depression.
I seem to remember discussing faith issues some thirty/forty years ago with anybody that would sit still long enough for me to ask their point of view. The response was usually the same – ‘my faith is a personal affair and I don’t discuss it!’
How times change. The issues of faith are now in the news pretty much every single day relating to ethnicity, what the Pope’s latest idea is and the growth of Islam and all that pertains to it.
I’ll be honest, I’ve come to dislike the concept of faith! It seems to stand for so many negatives. Guilt, persecution, pointless suffering, condemnation are just a few of it’s unsavoury qualities. I also think it’s bad for your health – but that’s for another day!
I’ve just finished reading, A Nearly Infallible History of Christianity by Nick Page.
It covers the period from the birth of the Christian church to the present day. It is an incisive read interspersed with Page’s much needed humour!
Basically, Christian history doesn’t have a high point or ‘golden era’. It appears to be a tale of those that were able to assume power that believed a certain creed – and ‘God’ help you if you disagreed with them.
I now accept that my own faith walk came to a juddering halt some time ago.
It’s very hard stepping outside of a zone where you were once so confident. Will I be damned? Am I going to hell? Will my life now fall apart now that I am no longer a believer? Yes, there is always guilt – the gift that keeps on giving!
I have a few articles planned on faith stuff that I will publish in the coming weeks.
And yes, I still regard myself as a pilgrim albeit a pretty agnostic one!
Your comments are welcome.